Merwin Mischief
by Cato's Little Sister
Summary: A peek into the secret life of Drake Merwin. His disturbing obsessions, and his evil hobbies.
1. Drakey Time

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Drake's minidress, wig, unicorn doll, and beanbag chair!

Hope you enjoy!

Caine POV

One day I was walking down the halls of Coates Academy, my school, when a great idea came to me.

It involved some dirty work, though.

I would need Drake Merwin, my psychopathic whip-handed assistant to rough up a few of those Perdido Beach kids.

I strolled up to his door. I noticed a sign was hanging on the brass doorknob.

"Do not disturb under any circumstances!"

I opened the door quietly.

Drake was sitting on a neon pink bean bag chair, and clutching a unicorn doll.

He was watching TV.

I listened carefully.

"You know you love me. X.O.X.O. Gossip Girl."

Drake screamed. "NO! GOSSIP GIRL! DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING! I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! WHAT WILL SERENA AND DAN DO? OMG AND BLAIR! WHAT IS SHE GONNA DO WHEN SHE FINDS OUT?"

I quietly shut the door. My idea could wait.

Diana POV

One day I was walking down the halls of Coates Academy, my school, when I heard something. I heard singing coming from the auditorium.

"_Gosh, does Taylor really think that she'll still be able to __play Juliet in the school play?" _

I mumbled to myself. Stupid Taylor. Always practicing.

I wandered closer.

And I heard a loud, obnoxious voice, rather than Taylor's sweet, airy voice.

I entered the auditorium.

And much to my freakin' surprise, Drake Merwin was prancing around on the stage, wearing a pink minidress and a pink wig.

"For those who don't know me, I can get a bit crazy, Have to get my way, 24 hours a day, 'Cause I'm hot like that. Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention, Like I'm under inspection, I always get the 10s, 'Cause I'm built like that!" He sang in his painfully squeaky "voice".

"I can't be tamed! I can't be blamed! I can't be changed! I ca-DIANA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! THIS IS DRAKEY TIME!"

I quickly made an exit.

Drakey time was much too disturbing.


	2. Drake's Diary

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Drake's cute pony happy song, and his gaiaphage™ brand whip hand decorations!

Hope you enjoy!

Drake POV

Dear Diary,

Today, I was AWESOME. I made up a new song (I'll write it down later), I watched some Gossip Girl, I had Drakey time, and I emailed Justin Bieber. I'm Bieber's biggest fan, as you may already know. But unfortunately, Astrid Ellison has also started to bieberblast off into the world of bieber. I may have to go down to Perdido Beach and give her a piece of whip-hand! GRRRRRR! MY BIEBER! Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to write down my song!

_The cute pony happy song_

_Pink pony_

_You make me so happy!_

_Ice cream coney_

_You taste so crappy!_

_So I will kill you_

_And some other people too_

_With names like Caine_

_Who has a small brain_

_And with names likes Sam_

_They'll both go BLAM~!_

Ah…I, Drake Merwin, am officially awesome.


	3. Drake's Obsession

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Drake's seven-year old squeal, and Caine's gaiaphage™ brand soda!

Hope you enjoy!

Caine POV

So NOW my plan will be put into action.

I'm sure that Drake is done flinging himself onto the floor whining about Dan and Blair or whatever.

I opened the door and Drake immediately zoomed past me.

There was a determined look in his eyes.

I followed him.

He ran outside of the academy, and a magazine fell from the sky.

Drake's eyes bugged out and he screamed. "YES! THE NEW ISSUE OF TIGER BEAT!"

He ran back to his room squealing like a seven-year old fan girl.

I peeked inside. I had never noticed this before, but Drake's room was covered with posters of Disney celebrities, Taylor Swift, and Justin Bieber.

I chuckled to myself. Drake was such a weirdo. Drake looked up, and evil glint in his eyes. "I heard that."

He whispered. He flung himself at the doorway, where I was standing. I quickly shut the door, and I heard a loud thud. "Ooowww…"

I quickly ran back to my room and drank some Gaiaphage soda.

"_The darkest way to start the day!"_


	4. Drake's Poopoo song

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Drake's poo-poo song, and his unbridled excitement over his new American Girl subscription.

Diana POV

So, once again, I found myself strolling down the hallowed halls of Coates academy, in an attempt to find Caine.

But instead, I found that Gaiaphage soda goes right through you, and I needed to pee desperately.

I rushed over to the girl's bathrooms.

Only one of the four stalls was occupied, so I rushed in.

"Remember, breathe through your mouth." I reminded myself as I lifted the toilet seat.

And then I heard something.

It was coming from the stall right next to mine.

"Okay, Mister Poo-poo, come out of mah butt! La la la, I'M POOPIN' TODAY, HEY! Love you Mister Poo-poo but it's TIME TO FLY! I'm sorry but I gotta SAY GOODBYE! Ooooh yeah baby…."

It came to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore.

And I was just too curious.

I flushed the toilet, and on my way over to the sinks, I opened the stall door.

Drake Merwin stared blankly up at me, an American Girl magazine on his lap.

"EEEEWWWW!" I screamed.

I slammed the door and bolted for the sinks.


End file.
